Vector8 Journals

Saturday, May 01, 2004

A Revisionist Interpretation of The Garden of Eden

When I was at university the course I studied meant always looking at things in a different light. They call it revisionism or post-structuralism or post-modernism. Following is an interpretation of the story of the Garden of Eden. Part of it is written in Cockney, the East London dialect. If you've seen the movie Mary Poppins, it was the dodgy accent Dick Van Dyke was using when he played his character, Bert. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

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We join Eve in the garden just before she's about to eat the fruit.
[Pay particular attention to the moment when mankind develops their irrational behaviour. I'm going to test you after.]

Serpent: Go on Eve, have it, one bite won't kill ya!

Eve: OK. Hmmm, tastes nice, tastes really good. What was the old geezer upstairs fussing about. This is lovely. Where's Adam? Ere, Adam, come over 'ere.

Adam: What is it my beloved Precious One, my dove, the Light of My Life, my Twin Soul?

Eve: Oh, shut up! Come over here and try this!

Adam: Isn't this, my beloved, the fruit the Lord God told us not to eat?

Eve: Go on, give it a go. It's really nice. Go on, 'ave some.

[Adam takes a bite. He likes it and continues eating until he's finished it. He screws up his face, sticking his tongue around his teeth.]

Eve: What's that silly expression Adam?

Adam: I think I've got some stuck in me teeth.

Eve: What dya mean?

Adam: Dontcha know nothing? I'm gonna make something to remove it.

Eve: Where you going Adam?

Adam: What's it to you anyway? Nag! Nag! Nag! That's all you ever do! Leave me alone! And put some figs round ya, you're beginning to give me some funny ideas!

Eve: Don't leave me alone Adam, I'm scared!

Adam: Tough! I'm off, I'll be back later for me dinner.

Eve: Adam!

Meanwhile, out in the garden there are animals sitting together, lions among sheep, elephants nuzzling tigers, all the animals are at peace with the world until...the moment Adam and Eve broke the rule and ate of the fruit. Suddenly, the lion is thinking of "prey." The sheep is no longer adorable but "prey." The creature with flapping ears is now potential "prey." The woman he can see in the distance is potential "prey."

The Lord God senses something is amiss. He's just noticed a pack of lions fighting over a bloody sheep. Something's gone wrong and he's going to find out. The Lord God goes in search of Adam who is in the forest sharpening a stick.

Lord God: What are you doing Adam?

Adam: What does it look like? I'm sharpening this stick, aren't I?

Lord God: Why do you need to sharpen a stick, Adam?

Adam: Don't ya know nothing? I'm making meself a tooth pick.

Lord God: [bellows] TOOTHPICK! WHAT DO YOU MEAN TOOTHPICK? Have you been eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Adam?

So there you have it. The first few minutes when mankind fell, all because they didn't listen to the Lord God. Would you Adam and Eve it? (By the way "Adam and Eve it" is the Cockney rhyming slang for "would you believe it?"

Love Enocia :)

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