Vector8 Journals

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

The Wonder of Fashion

I'm about to have a few gripes so readers beware.

Recently I felt the need for a new pair of jeans as my favourite had rips in them and were getting too creased up around the hips. I headed up to the west end. I saw some ripped jeans for £65. Sixty five quid! You're having a laugh aren't you? I mean they should be paying me to take it off their shelf, or maybe I should part-exchange my old jeans. What do these fashion designers do at college, learn how to use razor blades? In the end I bought a couple of jeans, one that looks faded all over, the fashion now you understand; the other had creases around the hips, but those creases are custom-designed to look as if you've been wearing your jeans forever.

What about those jeans guys wear these days that hang loose around their bottom revealing their underwear. What's this all about? You know what they look like? They remind me of babies when their nappies (diapers) are filled with whoopsie. Is this supposed to be attractive? Not for me it isn't.

My mother bought me some flip-flops recently. It wasn't the cheapo plastic ones, these were a lot more stylish and they looked great. I tried them on at home and they felt comfortable. The next day I put them on. Talk about torture. I tried to look cool as I limped around. I even used the experience as an opportunity to realise I am Spirit therefore I shouldn't be feeling any pain. Sod that, the space between my big toe and second toe was on fire. That day passed ever soooo slowly for me. I reckon a few snails walked right past me. I came home and vowed never to wear them again.

I took the flip-flops back to the shop. They said they weren't prepared to accept them because I'd worn them. Their policy was they would only refund my money if there was a design fault. I pointed out there was a design fault alright, I couldn't wear them. They recommended I liaise with their head office. I called their head office and they said they couldn't comment on the phone but I should post the flipflops to them and they will check if there are any faults. I was sick of being fobbed off. Ah, forget it! Maybe I should get out my scissors and have a go at creating my own 'design fault' and send them to the head office. But Sod's law dictates that this shoe company is bound to have cobblers who are secret forensic scientists who can spot dodgy 'design faults.' Now I have lovely flip-flops I can't wear, but they sure look good and fashionable

By the way who the hell is this Sod character who created Sod's Law and has nothing better to do than dream up what can go wrong?

You know when I was growing up as a child in Sierra Leone we only knew one moisturising cream - Vaseline. Whatever the condition use Vaseline. We even used Vaseline as hair grease. Then I came to the west and visited a department store for moisturising cream. I discovered there was many skin types: oily, dry, sensitive, combination and normal. But sometimes my skin is dry, oily and sensitive, what do I use then? Well this means you have combination skin. I bought it hook, line and sinker. Poor Vaseline was relegated to the bathroom cabinet, hiding right at the back of other useless items. I would occasionally use Vaseline Intensive Care, but petroleum jelly, no way Hosea. For years I used beauty skin products out there and a lot of them felt nice but did they improve my complexion? Not really.

Now it's back to good old petroleum jelly aka Vaseline. I won't go anywhere without my little tub in my handbag. Actually these days I take or leave moisturisers. Some days I don't wear any and my skin is as soft and radiant as can be. How many men do you know who wear moisturisers? Not a lot.

A long time ago I saw this commercial on the shopping channel for hair-removal. I discussed it with my mother and wondered whether it was as effective as they made out. One day my mother surprised me with the product which you have to buy at special department stores. I was really excited and couldn't wait to give it a try. Yeow! Blimey that hurt. How come those people on the commercial described the treatment as painless? I'm a media graduate I'm supposed to be able to see right through false representations. Maybe my skin is way too sensitive.

"Well," My mother said. "What's it like?"
"Hum, it really does the job, mum, my skin really feels smooth," I said. "But you know what, I think I prefer shaving. There's nothing better than having a nice shave while you're in the bath."
"You mean I've wasted my money and you're not going to use it?"
"Sorry mum, but you bought the product out of your own freewill."

That was the end of my relationship with wax treatments, and the last time I believe anything on television.

I have a theory that the reason why we have such changeable weather is because of us ladies. Go on admit it ladies. You come out of the hairdresser's or maybe you've spent a while blow-drying or styling your hair. You come out thinking, "Please don't rain. It'd better not rain." What does it end up doing, rain? When I used to have my hair relaxed I was pissed off a lot. I didn't know then that what I feared the most is manifested. You come out of the salon and Sod's law says it's either going to be windy or chucking it down with rain. Why, weather, are you against me? Now I have short hair which doesn't need much doing to it, wash, ruffle with some gel and go. As for the weather, it can do what it likes, I don't care.

When all is said and done I have to admit that I've had it with fashion and all those beauty products out there. I'm finally 'growing up.' I've decided I'm only going to wear what feels comfortable, not because it looks attractive. I am a Spiritual Being after all. None of these products can make me happy, right? I'm already at peace.

By the way, does anyone know where I can get a decent push-up bra which will work wonders for my cleavage?

Love Enocia

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