Vector8 Journals

Monday, October 25, 2004

A Sonnet by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Nor happiness, nor majesty nor fame,
Nor peace nor strength, nor skill in arms or arts
Shepherd those herds whom Tyranny makes tame.
Verse echoes not one beating of their hearts,
History is but the shadow of their shame.
Art veils her glass, or from the pageant starts
As to oblivion their blind millions fleet,
Staining that Heaven with obscene imagery
Of their own likeness. What are numbers knit
By force or custom? Man, who man would be,
Must rule the empire of himself; in it
Must be supreme, establishing his throne
On vanquished will; quelling the anarchy
Of hopes and fears; being himself alone.

For other writings see Vector8 writings

Poems by Esther Morgan

From "Beyond Calling Distance" by Esther Morgan


She's lost a word
and searches for it everywhere -
behind the sofa, at the back
of dusty cupboards and drawers.
She picks through the buzzing rubbish sacks.

Under the carpet she finds lots of others
she'd forgotten she'd swept there,
but not the one she's looking for.
The trouble is it's small - only two letters -
though no less valuable for that.

She stands racking her brains
for the last time she used it
but all that comes to mind
are failed attempts
when her mouth was full

of someone else's tongue.


I like the way they fit the palm -
their plump Buddha weight,
the sly squeeze for ripeness,
the clean slit of the knife,
the soft suck
as you twist the halves apart,
the thick skin peeling easily.
Naked, they're slippery as soap.

I serve them for myself
sliced and fanned
on white bone china
glistening with olive oil,
or I fill the smooth hollow
with sharp vinaigrette
scooping out
the pale, buttery flesh.

Every diet you've ever read
strictly forbids them.

ps: I, ej, hate avocados.

For other writings see Vector8 writings



I stagger, buffeted by winds
Channelled between drizzling black crags -
Tenement buildings. Take refuge in a pub
Only to see in the mirror the bald streak widen,
Troubled by the blonde in the corner. Silly,
She doesn't know I'm here.

Pause if I speak, resume their chat. As I go
I take this vacancy with me. The world outside
Drives its cars, pushes its prams. I'm air
In this too solid city.

As I pause
Buffeted by people buffeting past, stand
On this perpetual street corner of my life,
Look back.I am the abyss. And it claims me.

By Philip Hobsbaum from "Women and Animals"

For other writings see Vector8 writings

Saturday, October 23, 2004

How Can I Grieve Over an Illusion

A few days ago, the Inner Voice informed me something was about to occur. Apparently, my mother was going to need lots of support when, whatever it is, happened. I pressed for more details but this part of me was, surprisingly, reticent. As I trust in myself, I simply believed and let go. Read more »

Monday, October 18, 2004

Thoughts on Good and Evil

"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." (Genesis 2: 17)

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23: 7)
In my view, there is no such thing as good or evil, no matter what the situation. Some people might argue, surely there are evil acts such as abuse or murder etc? My view is that it depends on your perspective. Read more »

Alien Abduction - An Alternative View

I've read many books and accounts of people who claim they had been abducted by aliens. One thing that's fascinated me is the loss of time. Abductees describe how they "return" to normal awareness and realise they've been gone for hours and yet have no memory of the event. Hmmm! Here's an insight I received the other the bus.

On my journey I decided to play a game of purple. I wanted to see purple all around me. Boy, oh, boy! I never realised so many people in London drove purple cars. Or had they appeared because I had put out the intent?

Anyway, when I got on the bus, two coppers (policemen) got on. I thought to myself, "you ain't getting any action here." About 20 minutes into the journey a car pulled up beside the bus. The two coppers ran towards the driver asking him to let them off. They jumped off and went into the car. This car was no ordinary car, it was purple with sirens. As far as I know, police cars in the UK are not purple. I am aware some police officers drive ordinary cars, but the fact that this particular car was purple beggars belief.

My bus drove by a parade of a group of Africans. Going by the women's outfits, I would say they were Ghanaians. They were marching and singing and were accompanied by a band. The remarkable thing about this parade was the colour of their outfits - white and purple. Say no more!

You might ask, what has this got to do with alien abductions? Everything. How do you know that when abductions occur, some entity wasn't having a human day; just like I was having a purple day and attracted purple experiences? Let's say an ET is a tad bored and he thinks, "hey, wouldn't it be fun if I could attract loads of humans?" Those humans who are open to the idea are drawn to the intent. Before you can say "ET phone home" the humans are in a trance and end up losing all sense of time.

I started to think. Hmmm! I wonder if the people in the parade and the drivers of those purple cars were all in a trance thinking "purple."

Later that evening I spotted a cute campervan which reminded me of one a friend used to have. It was even the same colour (not purple, I hasten to add). As my bus was going to make a detour picking up other passengers, I put out an intent that it would be lovely to get a closer look at the campervan, for old time sake. When my bus got back on the main road I saw the campervan ahead. The traffic lane the campervan was on came to a standstill, while my bus, on the other lane, drove past. I had a peek and then blew it a kiss goodbye.


If you ever find yourself thinking "purple" and miles away from where you intended to be, you may have entered the Twilight Zone.


Enocia, the Extra Terrestrial

For other writings see Vector8 writings

Saturday, October 16, 2004

The Three Wishes

I hope you still love me after you've finished reading this story.

Yesterday, on the bus, I had a remarkable experience. All good things happen on buses, didn't you know?

A genie appeared. He granted me three wishes and cautioned me to choose carefully. Three wishes, I thought? It's a piece of piss i.e. piss easy, I am discerning enough to make wise choices.

My first wish I thought had to be personal. Charity begins at home, and all that. So I said: "I wish to have chocolate all around me, nothing but chocolate."

Zap, there was a smoke of purple energy and there was chocolate all around. The only snag was the genie had misconstrued my desire and transformed the whole world into chocolate. What's a girl to do? I didn't have that much of an appetite. Besides, it wouldn't be any fun without humans, so I had to consider a self-sacrifice.

My second wish was: "I wish everything to go back to normal."

Zap, a purple cloud appeared and the world was back to normal.

Damn, I only had one more wish. The genie reminded me to choose wisely. I thought hard about my last wish. Then would you Adam and Eve it (believe it), a man sat beside me and got on his mobile phone. He was speaking rather loud and I thought to myself, "I wish he wouldn't speak so loud."

Much to my dismay, I noticed another purple cloud and my wish was fulfilled. But, but, I didn't mean it. The genie shrugged and disappeared into his bottle.

What a bummer! Sorry folks, I had the opportunity to save the world and I blew it.

I wonder what you would do if you had three wishes?

Wishing you the very best,

For other writings see Vector8 writings

Friday, October 15, 2004

On Gambling and Psychic Powers

I watched a hilarious documentary last night about the extent people would go to win at the card game in casinos called Black Jack.

There was this mathematician who developed the strategy of "counting cards" when he made a fortune until the gambling industry wised up and created several deterrents.

First, the dealer would shuffle the card during the game. Since counting cards depends on the cards not being shuffled, the casino owners were on to a winner. But then this backfired on them as people stopped gambling. After a few weeks the casinos reverted to the old technique of not shuffling in the middle of a game.

Second, the dealers used several decks to try and bamboozle gamblers counting cards. This strategy didn't work either.

Third strategy used was "setting a thief to catch a thief." Casinos trained their dealers in the art of counting cards. The dealers became experts at spotting when someone was counting cards so the gambler had no chance of winning.

There was this particular gambler who was very good at counting cards but because the dealers could read his _expression, he was always losing. He decided to fight back. He teamed up with his son to develop a computer system that could count cards surreptitiously while freeing him to look casual about his moves. They created a microcomputer which he could operate through his feet that did the counting and would tell him when to gamble big. It worked and he started raking it in until the casino owners got suspicious. One day they took the son to the back room for a friendly chat. He was strip searched. They found a microchip on him with wires and believed these to be aiding and abetting his crime but couldn't prove it. They called the police in but they didn't know what the computer was being used for either. Apparently, the computer was so advanced that the FBI didn't have a clue what it was. The casino had to let him go. The man and his father mass-produced these computer chips at $10,000 a chip. In the end, the casinos pushed for counting cards to be made illegal. The casinos won this stage of the battle.

New types of gamblers emerged in the scene. They were MIT students, mathematical geniuses who were not into following rules. The old trick of counting cards was used and developed. This time, BlackJack gamblers worked in groups of threes. One was responsible for counting cards; the second worked out the mathematical probabilities; and the third decided how much money to gamble. Students went around making fortunes for their investors. Since the students weren't making much money, three students decided to break away and form their own company where they made a fortune.

The casinos had to fight back didn't they? They hired private investigators, who studied gamblers who made it big. They discovered that though these gamblers were giving assumed names there was one thing that was consistent about them, they all lived around the Boston area. Was it possible these gamblers were MIT students? The investigators studied the MIT year bookand found the photos of the suspects all looking very innocent and far from being card counters. Armed with this information, whenever an MIT student was making his fortune, all the casino bosses had to do was check their computer records and then ask the student to leave. Spoil sports!

In the meantime, the three MIT students who had broken away, weren't going to let a little hitch like computer records stop them. They headed off to Europe where they made a fortune day in Monte Carlo they were asked to the back room for a friendly chat. Their pictures were taken and much to the gamblers' dismay they discovered that they were internationally renowned card counters. They were chucked out of the casino and out of the country with a warning to never return or else...

As for the crreator of the counting card strategy, he went on to make billions at the Stock Exchange. How jammy is that?

Interesting documentary. My thoughts were that it was so much hard work. Why didn't they just use mind techniques? Reminds me of psychic powers. The day before, I watched a documentary about mediums.

There was this spiritualist who talked about mediumship and psychic powers as gifts from God and should never be misused. Says who? I can just picture it now, God giving out all those wonderful powers and saying, "make sure you use them correctly, OK." Do me a favour! The only one who makes up these rules are humans. Besides, if you've been given a gift, isn't it up to you to use the gift as you see fit? If the one giving you the gift is telling you how to use it, it is not a gift. At least that's not how I define a gift. It's like Christmas gifts, I prefer if someone asks me what I would like or they buy me what I would like. If you buy me something stupid, I'm going to have to do something stupid like give it away.

A few months ago I was in the bookshop browsing. I was sitting next to this couple. I had a book on my lap. The woman asked if she could look at the book. When she had finished she gave me a little packet of biscuit as if it was her way of saying thank you. The biscuit was called "Stupid." Apparently, someone had given it to her and she didn't want it. Her husband didn't want it either so she passed it on to me. I like biscuits so I ate it. She asked me what I thought of it. I said it tasted stupid. Well, what else did you expect me to say?

Anyway, I believe psychic powers are not gifts at all. They are part of me, just like my arm is part of my body. I am naturally clairvoyant, clairsentient, clairaudient, clairtaste and clairsmell. How I use these powers are up to me. We all have the same powers. If someone chooses to believe in someone or group telling them how to use his power, that's up to the individual, isn't it? Only I can decide how to use my natural "gifts."

Back to gambling, I guess casino owners are playing with the illusion. They have to give the illusion that some people win otherwise no one's going to want to gamble. They have to be very careful not to appear to be winning all the time. Even if they did know how to use their psychic powers they can't afford to use them because they would lose customers. They have to play the game of luck and chances; some you win, some you lose.

In conclusion, my view is let people have their fun however they choose. And I will use my powers how I like. Deal?

All my love,

For other writings see Vector8 writings

Thursday, October 14, 2004

My Own Private Everest

Yesterday, I had a wonderful experience.

I woke up with symptoms of a flu: coughing, sneezing and feeling like “death warmed up.” Since I know the flu has no reality in my universe, I decided to go with the experience. The last time I was laid up like this, I made a huge shift in consciousness. I wondered whether I was giving myself this opportunity for a reason. Whatever happened, I was going to have fun.
Read more »

Monday, October 11, 2004

How I Conquered Fear with Belief

"If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it theres nothing to it"
From: "I believe I Can Fly" by R Kelly
I believe everything is based on beliefs. You cannot experience life without having a belief. Hell, if I didn't believe I was real enough to be sitting in front of a computer screen typing this, you wouldn't be reading this article.

We are all coming from different perspectives, we all have our beliefs. Some people believe so much in their truth that they believe it is the ultimate truth and try to get others to see things their way, not realising that their truth is only another belief. What is truth? Truth is what you believe it is.

I have had many beliefs, which come and go. There are a few beliefs which I have retained, that are the backbone of who I am. I will discuss these later.

I want to share with you how I used belief to conquer fear.

There was a time when I felt waves of fear and I would break into a cold sweat. There is a belief that says the fear is not personal, that you are tapping into a thought-form that humanity has created. Other beliefs tell you that the fear is not real. I have read somewhere that fear is an acronym for "False Evidence Appearing Real." That is all well and good but when you are experiencing fear, no matter how good the words of counsel sound, if the fear is real to you, it is real to you. I had also heard that "perfect love casts out fear," yet it didn't take away my fear. The words sounded like another platitude: nice words, looks good on paper, but not much else. The reason why these words didn't work for me was because I didn't believe in them. How was I going to get out of this fear?

At that point in my life I watched hundreds of hours of God-TV from a Christian perspective. I remember one teacher who inspired me called
Andrew Wommack. He wore plaid shirts and looked like a cowboy. He didn't come out with complicated stuff, just simple truths, as he saw it. Yet this man was awesome. He had such strong beliefs in God and Jesus as his personal saviour that the man worked miracles. I would wake up early to catch his early morning broadcast at 5.30 am. There was something about this man that got me. I knew I could be like him. I later realised that the only way I could be like Andrew was to have the faith he had. I was up for that challenge.

I started using passages from the scriptures to help with fear. Sometimes they did help and other times they didn't. I had heard about the power of
Psalm 91, and I decided to give it a go. A passage from Psalm 91 states:

"Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday." (Psalm 91: 5-6)
For me, the above imagery described perfectly what I was experiencing. Waking up in cold sweat was the "terror by night." Thoughts of fear I couldn't get rid of were "arrow that flieth by day." Fear of diseases and catching them were the "pestilence that walketh in darkness." And the many disasters and calamities that we are bombarded with in the media were the "destruction that wasteth at noonday." So one morning, I decided to memorise the whole of Psalm 91 and use it as a weapon against fear. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this Psalm was the truth that was going to release me from fear.

The war against fear began. I was determined to have no other thoughts. While I was working I would think of work, or whatever needed to be done. During the times I wasn't doing anything, I repeated the words of Psalm 91 over and over again. (I had tried chanting the Hari Krishna mantra before but I didn't really believe in it so I didn't feel it was working). I believed in the words of Psalm 91. I guess I have a Christian background so I was used to the idea of God. I believed in a power the Psalm refers to as the "Almighty." I finally believed in something.

The result was immense peace. The moment I was gripped by fear, I would think of the words and the fear would disappear. It got to a point when I only had to think of the words "Psalm 91" and the fear left me. However, I found the peace only lasted a few days and the fear would return. I had been meditating for years and I had experienced a state of bliss that is beyond fear. I wanted this permanent bliss in my waking moments, not just in meditation.

The next stage in the process was to stop fighting the fear. I had come across other paradigms which teach fear is not real; only Love is real. I had read that when you surrender to Love you will not fight fear anymore. It was time to test this belief out. I let go of Psalm 91 and surrendered to Love. How? By believing in the process of course. You think I was just going to surrender without believing in this reality? What do you take me for, a moron? Because I believed there was something to surrender to, which knows no fear, it worked. It was like falling over a cliff and knowing I am falling into an invisible hand that will catch me. As R Kelly sings: "I believe I can fly."

I don't give advice but just this once I will give one. To anyone going through fear, I would say use whatever teaching you are comfortable with. But for goodness sake, believe in it like your life depended on it, otherwise there is no point. We are all very good at believing. You get a headache and you take a pill. The pill works because you have put your faith in the pill. On the other hand, you could call for someone to heal you and it will work if you believe in it. You could pray and if you believe in prayer it will work. Beliefs are real and they do work, if you believe.

I have studied the biblical Jesus and I have observed that all his miracles were based on belief, either the one he was healing or on someone else's belief. To the blind men he said : "According to your faith be it unto you." (Matthew 9: 29). To the woman who had been bleeding for years who believed that, by touching the hem of Jesus' garment she would be healed, Jesus said to her: "thy faith hath made thee whole." (Matthew 9: 22) To the Centurion who believed on behalf of his servant that Jesus only had to say the word and his servant would be healed, Jesus said: "Go thy way; and as thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee." (Matthew 8: 13) When Jesus went to his hometown and "he could there do no mighty work," it is written: "he marvelled because of their unbelief." (Mark 6: 6)

The same Jesus teaches: "What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." (Mark 11: 24)

Which leads to an important point. I have to come clean about something. All the articles I have written in the past are not demonstrations of myself growing in spiritual stature, they are demonstrations of beliefs I have had. A particular belief creates a particular experience. The great thing about writing is that I can have a belief, test it out, and write about it. I don't have to repeat the experience; once it's over it's over. Just like a particular role in a movie or drama might require an actor to make a one-off appearance. While other roles require an actor to be in a series for as long as his is required or wishes to. This is the same way I experience life. I am simply acting different roles, trying on different beliefs, to have different experiences.

Does this mean there isn't an ultimate Truth? I believe there is. I believe that the ultimate Truth is knowing that the masks and experiences are not who I am. I believe who I am is the one wearing the masks, which I call the Dreamer. I believe the Dreamer has infinite power and gives me unlimited opportunities to experience life, without judgment. I believe that it is up to individuals to find out for themselves what the possibilities are by testing out their beliefs. I also believe that even the Dreamer is a belief, but it's the best I can do in terms of absolute Truth. If I discover a new absolute Truth, I will obviously have to modify my beliefs.

I have two core-beliefs:

I believe in the Dreamer.
I believe in Beliefs.
I am the Dreamer,

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Tip of the Day

I thought I would share a helpful tip for those of you interested in papier mache. Note that previous experience is not necessary but a desire to explore uncharted territory.

1. Take a piece of soft tissue, or any tissue you feel is soft.
2. This is when you get adventurous, chew it to a pulp. Those of you who are already Pica in temperament (i.e. people who crave non-food items like paper, wool etc) will enjoy this.
3. Don't swallow, no matter how tempting it is, just use your teeth to form patterns around the pulp.
4. Remove your chewed tissue, and store somewhere - in your pocket, bag, anywhere - for a few hours.
6. Eh voila, you have created a papier mache. You can paint it or do as you please.

There you go, the most inexpensive way to create your own papier mache!

Have a lovely day,
Love EJ

For other writings see Vector8 writings

Friday, October 08, 2004

Playing with Beliefs

Last night, I watched a documentary on television called "Horizon" about how the dinosaurs became extinct. What, another explanation! A scientist was challenging the long held view that a meteor had hit earth at some point in time. She proposed that there were actually two meteors at different times, not just the one. One scientist, who held the "old" view, was desperately trying hard to find "hard evidence" to support his view, while the revisionist scientist was doing her best to support hers. Read more »

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

To be Truthfully Cynical

I love listening to comedians. One thing I admire about them is their cynical perspective of life. They give you the truth but because of the way it is delivered, you can take it and have a good laugh about it.

The other day I had a cynical day. You've gotta have a laugh, innit?

I'm in a supermarket and walk past a man who is trying to unravel a carrier bag. In the UK, supermarkets provide customers with plastic carrier bags which I sometimes find difficult to unravel. I offer to undo the bag for the man.
"You do realise this is women's work?"
"Huh?" I am preoccupied with the task at hand. "What do you mean?"
"Shopping is for women," he says. "How many men do you see going around shopping?"

I don't know whether to throw the bag at him or to laugh. Aha, sorted! I hand him his carrier bag.

"Women take all the time. They expect us men to go to work and provide while they go out and spend your money."
"Really? That's your opinion, of course."
"Take, take, take, that's all women do!"."
"Um, if you say so."

A woman nearby is filling out a coupon for the day's lotto. The man sidles up to her and says, "If your numbers come up tonight, don't forget to come looking for me. I'll help you spend it."
"Why should she?" I say. "She's a woman, remember, who knows how to spend her money without your help." I grin at him.

Before I leave he tells me he's advertised for a partner in the newspaper and hasn't received any responses. "I asked for a woman who would take me to dinner, the cinema and spend all her money on me."
"And you haven't had any responses then?" I say, trying hard not to snigger.
"No, and it's been six months and not a single reply."
"Well, good luck in your search. I'm sure there's someone very special out there just right for you." I make a speedy exit.

I wonder why he was telling me his life story. Hmmm! Hope he wasn't hinting I was interested in him. Nah!

Hours later, I'm on a bus. A man beside me is speaking on his mobile. I hear him refer to the bus we are on as the "bendy bus." The "bendy bus" is a new type of single-decker bus introduced in London earlier this year, which resembles a tram and looks as if it has two parts to it, which makes it bend as it moves along.

When he's finished his conversation I say to him. "Is this bus now called a "bendy" bus?"
"Yes, it is officially called the "bendy bus." You know how we like to label things, don't we?" he smiles.
"Yup. And it's bendy alright," I say. "I like travelling on this bus."
"You do know the first three bendies went up in smoke?"
"Yes I heard, but no one was injured."
"Make sure you know where the emergency exits are," he says laughing. "You never know, you might need to make a quick exit."

Oh, I do love Londoners, they are oh so cynical!

Later on the same journey, I hear a racket coming from the speakers that makes me start. Can't be! It's impossible! The racket is actually the bus driver announcing where the bus is going to terminate? What's wrong with him? He must be new! No driver in his right mind would ever dream of giving passengers information. What about the blank stare drivers give you or the "why don't you check the front of the bus before asking?" I mean, is this what we pay our fares for, to have some driver communicate with you? Good grief! At the end of the journey, the bus driver makes another announcement: he thanks us for travelling on his bus and wishes us a good evening. Now I know he's definitely off his trolley.

Unfortunately for the poor sod, he's terminating at the wrong bus stop. The day before I alighted at the next stop so I ask him why he is stopping at this stop instead of the next one. He argues he is stopping exactly where he is meant to stop and if I don't like it I should appeal. I knew it, he's new, alright. He has to be new if he's throwing that old chestnut at a seasoned bus passenger like myself. I tell him I have no intention of appealing but I simply wish to be taken to the next stop as other drivers have done before. He finally agrees to take me to the next stop. I wonder how long he's going to last making announcements and going by the book. Give him a week and he'll be as miserable as all the other drivers we have come to love.

Oh well, you've gotta have a laugh.

I once met a guy where I used to work. It was a Friday evening and I was really excited about the weekend.
I said to him, "Isn't it great it's Friday evening?"
"No," he said. "It's two days to Monday."

Oh well, I guess the man had a point.

Life is a bus journey. It's the same old route yet you meet many interesting passengers that make the journeys so much fun.

Take it easy on your journey!

Lots of Love,
Miss I.A. Cynic

For other writings see Vector8 writings

Friday, October 01, 2004

Cherished Memories

One day I sat in a park
Watching the kids on their bikes.
I always wanted one as a child
But we were too poor to afford a cardboard wheel,
Let alone a two-wheeler.
It would be such fun to be a child for a day
And ride a bike for a few moments.
Now that would be a dream come true.

A few days later I was taking a walk
Through the local marshes,
Going deeper and deeper, getting lost.
Someone appeared and pointed the way
In the opposite direction.
A young man approached me, a bike by his side
He was lost, could I show him the way?
"Follow me!" I said, the blind leading the blind.

As it was a long walk back, the young man suggested
How about if he gave me a lift on his bike,
I could sit in front and he could cycle behind?
I jumped at the chance.
I was excited and scared, felt unsteady and strange,
"Don't worry" he said "I'll take care of you."
After a while I said, "Do you mind if I walk?"
He said "OK, but let's rest a while and talk."

We found a secluded and grassy spot.
He took off his jacket which he spread
On the grass for me to sit on.
He asked me if I would go out him.
I lied and said I was already attached.
(Cute, great body, but not really my type).
We exchanged stories of places we'd been
He told me he was originally from Germany.

I marvelled at his biceps, three times my size
He confessed he was an up-and-coming
Local heavy-weight boxer.
I listened in awe to stories of past bouts.
He lifted me, firefighter's style, around one shoulder;
I shrieked "Put me down! Put me down!"
We rolled and wrestled on the grass -
He was like my little, big brother.

I lay on the crook of his arms,
We gazed at the clouds and
Shared more life stories;
I laughed till tears ran down my cheeks.
After an hour he said he was off to the gym.
Would I like a ride back?
I'd had too much excitement that day,
So I said if he didn't mind, I would rather walk.

With a big bear hug
And fond farewells
My childhood friend for the day
Cycled out of my life,
But straight into the shed of my heart.

Enocia Joseph 2003


Week 1

The thought comes from nowhere,
Sam*, the name of an ex boyfriend.
Why now?
Delete thought, go away
I don't want him manifesting now!
It's over, in the past, a lifetime ago.
But it persists, drills
A hole in my psyche,
It just won't let go.
Press Delete button,
Peace at last!
Later that day I'm drawn to a movie
And as the credits roll
I note with irritation
One of the actors is called Sam,

Week 2

I'm trying to control those unruly thoughts
It's like having a pothole
Deep inside my mind.
"Your name's not down, you're not coming in!"
I'm on top of it.
Later on, I'm watching "Big Brother";
(I love reality tv shows,
The dramas are endless just for seventy Grand)
One of the house residents has left
And been replaced by a man called Sam!
You can handle it, relax
He means nothing to you
Make no associations!
By the next day
I'm cool and detached.

Week 3

I'm sitting in my favourite chair
In the bookshop reading
Don't you just love them, the new library?
A man approaches me and says
"It's you, I knew it was you!"
I stare with annoyance at an ex work colleague
Of ten years ago.
"You don't recognise me do you?"
"Of course I do," I say with gritted teeth,
"You're Sam aren't you?"
Inside I say "God, Love, Light, Oneness,
Whatever you answer to, when will you hear me?
I said no more Sams!"
Sam and I reminisce over our days together
Then with a hug and a kiss and a "nice to see you",
He walks out of my life.
I stomp out of the bookshop.

Week 4

I have now attained Mastery over all thoughts
What a relaxing week, productive as well
As a treat I've decided I might even buy a book
So here I am in another bookshop.
There's a writer in store promoting a novel
About the media - should be interesting,
I pull up a pew.
After a few minutes I'm lost in a fantasy
About the most discreet exit I can make
But someone sits besides me.
He nudges me and whispers in my ear
"I've been thinking about you!"
I know that voice.
I stare with horror at my ex boyfriend called Sam.
A few minutes of mad internal dialogue follows
Then He whispers he's bored, shall we go?
I follow, my heart beating wildly.

We go to the cafe for a drink and a chat
Exchange five year's history
Of work, play and love.
His story leaves a bloody trail
Of relationships he's had.
What's an ex to do but gloat?
I'm feeling a lot more relaxed
And regard him with fondness
Of the brief moments we shared.
I now know that he wasn't to be
Should never even have happened;
Yet I'm grateful for the lesson he taught me.
Soon it's time to say goodbye.
With a hug and a kiss and a "good to see you"
(And I really mean it)
I've finally washed that thought right out of my hair.

I feel giddy, joyful and delightfully empty
What else should I think of now?
Him? O God not him!
Too late the lid has sprung open.

*Name changed for obvious reasons

(c) Enocia Joseph

For other writings see Vector8 writings

I'm Right There With You

I am Truth.
You seek me everywhere
You think I am elusive
But it's easy you see,
I am right where you are.
Let's say Truth is like
Life here on Earth,
How would you experience me?
You could travel by air, sea or land
You could burrow beneath me.
Rest assured you will find me.
Whatever route you take,
I'm right there with you.

I have devised many forms
For you to experience me.
You could be a fly, mosquito or bee
You may crawl like a snake, a worm or a snail.
How about a lion, elephant, or sheep?
Oh, what fun it is being a shark, whale or jellyfish;
Or be disguised as an owl, eagle or sparrow!
You could stand tall, sturdy as an oak tree,
Or as graceful as a Lilly.
It makes no difference to me
How you appear.
I'm right there with you.

Hey have you forgotten I created humans too?
(Hmmm! Not sure what I was thinking of).
You may be any race
Any religion, you choose.
What nationality do you fancy?
Maybe you're male or female,
Rich or poor -
You're totally free
To believe what you wish.
Doesn't matter to me
What theories you dream
Up of who I am,
I'm right there with you.

I am Truth
I am easy to find.
Right where you are,
Is where you'll find me.
If Truth is like
Life here on earth
There is only one answer:
It is I expressing myself.
Don't you realise
All there is, is Me?
So what difference does it make
What method you choose?
However long it takes you,
I'm right there with you.

Enocia Joseph