Vector8 Journals

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

To be Truthfully Cynical

I love listening to comedians. One thing I admire about them is their cynical perspective of life. They give you the truth but because of the way it is delivered, you can take it and have a good laugh about it.

The other day I had a cynical day. You've gotta have a laugh, innit?

I'm in a supermarket and walk past a man who is trying to unravel a carrier bag. In the UK, supermarkets provide customers with plastic carrier bags which I sometimes find difficult to unravel. I offer to undo the bag for the man.
"You do realise this is women's work?"
"Huh?" I am preoccupied with the task at hand. "What do you mean?"
"Shopping is for women," he says. "How many men do you see going around shopping?"

I don't know whether to throw the bag at him or to laugh. Aha, sorted! I hand him his carrier bag.

"Women take all the time. They expect us men to go to work and provide while they go out and spend your money."
"Really? That's your opinion, of course."
"Take, take, take, that's all women do!"."
"Um, if you say so."

A woman nearby is filling out a coupon for the day's lotto. The man sidles up to her and says, "If your numbers come up tonight, don't forget to come looking for me. I'll help you spend it."
"Why should she?" I say. "She's a woman, remember, who knows how to spend her money without your help." I grin at him.

Before I leave he tells me he's advertised for a partner in the newspaper and hasn't received any responses. "I asked for a woman who would take me to dinner, the cinema and spend all her money on me."
"And you haven't had any responses then?" I say, trying hard not to snigger.
"No, and it's been six months and not a single reply."
"Well, good luck in your search. I'm sure there's someone very special out there just right for you." I make a speedy exit.

I wonder why he was telling me his life story. Hmmm! Hope he wasn't hinting I was interested in him. Nah!

Hours later, I'm on a bus. A man beside me is speaking on his mobile. I hear him refer to the bus we are on as the "bendy bus." The "bendy bus" is a new type of single-decker bus introduced in London earlier this year, which resembles a tram and looks as if it has two parts to it, which makes it bend as it moves along.

When he's finished his conversation I say to him. "Is this bus now called a "bendy" bus?"
"Yes, it is officially called the "bendy bus." You know how we like to label things, don't we?" he smiles.
"Yup. And it's bendy alright," I say. "I like travelling on this bus."
"You do know the first three bendies went up in smoke?"
"Yes I heard, but no one was injured."
"Make sure you know where the emergency exits are," he says laughing. "You never know, you might need to make a quick exit."

Oh, I do love Londoners, they are oh so cynical!

Later on the same journey, I hear a racket coming from the speakers that makes me start. Can't be! It's impossible! The racket is actually the bus driver announcing where the bus is going to terminate? What's wrong with him? He must be new! No driver in his right mind would ever dream of giving passengers information. What about the blank stare drivers give you or the "why don't you check the front of the bus before asking?" I mean, is this what we pay our fares for, to have some driver communicate with you? Good grief! At the end of the journey, the bus driver makes another announcement: he thanks us for travelling on his bus and wishes us a good evening. Now I know he's definitely off his trolley.

Unfortunately for the poor sod, he's terminating at the wrong bus stop. The day before I alighted at the next stop so I ask him why he is stopping at this stop instead of the next one. He argues he is stopping exactly where he is meant to stop and if I don't like it I should appeal. I knew it, he's new, alright. He has to be new if he's throwing that old chestnut at a seasoned bus passenger like myself. I tell him I have no intention of appealing but I simply wish to be taken to the next stop as other drivers have done before. He finally agrees to take me to the next stop. I wonder how long he's going to last making announcements and going by the book. Give him a week and he'll be as miserable as all the other drivers we have come to love.

Oh well, you've gotta have a laugh.

I once met a guy where I used to work. It was a Friday evening and I was really excited about the weekend.
I said to him, "Isn't it great it's Friday evening?"
"No," he said. "It's two days to Monday."

Oh well, I guess the man had a point.

Life is a bus journey. It's the same old route yet you meet many interesting passengers that make the journeys so much fun.

Take it easy on your journey!

Lots of Love,
Miss I.A. Cynic

For other writings see Vector8 writings