Vector8 Journals

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Being Myself

I was walking down the road when I saw a dog pacing up and down in front of a house. He would trot as far as the wall, bang his head hard against the wall, then he ran the other way barking at no one in particular. After a few moments of observing his behaviour, I approached him.

"What's up dog?" I said.

He bared his teeth at me in a ferocious growl.

"I said, what's up?" I said, ignoring his growl.
"I don't like being me, that's what."
"What do you mean?"
"Ever since I saw that animal with the big mane on television, the one you humans call "lion, king of the beasts," I've been fantasising about what it would feel like to be a lion."
"Why ever would you want to be someone you're not?"
"Look at me, do I look fierce to you? I growled at you and you weren't even scared."
"That's because I knew you didn't mean it."
"I have that awful spot on my back," he continued. "I've tried everything to have it removed. I deliberately make myself smelly so I can have constant baths. I've even tried visualisations, for dogness sake. Fat load of good that has done me."
"I think you're cute. You're actually gorgeous and there's nothing I would change about you."
"Maybe I might ask you to stop pacing up and down, as you're beginning to get on my nerves."
"OK, I'll stop."
"You are what we call a Jack Russell. You're beautiful. Why don't you focus on being yourself instead of another animal?"
"How? How can I be myself?"
"By appreciating what you are for starters."
"Like what?"
"You like to smell things, right?"
"Yes, yes, yes," he said wagging his tail.
"Well, why don't you tell me about all the smells you have ever experienced?"
"OK, here goes."

An hour later, I was jolted out of a deep sleep and realised my Jack Russell friend was still yapping on about smells. How I fell asleep standing up is beyond me.

"Yeah, thanks, you've really been around," I said, hoping he hadn't noticed I wasn't listening.
"You're welcome," he said. "You know something, I'm beginning to feel like myself again."
"Good. It's a start. Why don't you enjoy being yourself from now on and focus only on that?"

I had a quick browse yesterday at a book called "Edgar Cayce on Channelling Your Higher Self" by Henry Reed. The only chapter I read was the last one called "Being Yourself: The Ultimate Form of Channelling." That for me is the only purpose of channelling. If you can't channel your higher self so you can live as your higher self, there really is no point to channelling. Reed tells a story about a woman who had these wonderful ideas for work which she'd channelled from herself but was too scared to admit their origin. She was afraid her colleagues would not accept channelled ideas. When it was suggested to the woman that she could simply say they were ideas, and it didn't matter where they were from, she was still hesitant.

A few years back, I attended an angel workshop by a renowned Angel expert, who has written several books about angels and how to use them as guides. At first, I went with the flow and did the exercises. She evoked Michael and Gabriel and we were supposed to feel these angels around us. Then something clicked within me like I had woken up from a deep sleep. I saw all these people seeing angels around them and many were very tearful and emotional. I realised they were being hypnotised to see what the expert wanted them to see. We split into groups of four and we were told to share our experiences. I said I felt nothing. The three women looked at me as if I was from another planet. I didn't want to rain on their parade so I decided to keep my opinions to myself. Part of me wanted to leave as I wasn't getting anything out of the workshop but I also wanted to ask the Angel expert a question on a one to one basis. At the end of the workshop I got my opportunity.

"Why do you feel you need to use God's minions, which angels are. Why can't people go straight to God?"

She gave me a long hard stare and said, "I think for you, that's the only thing that will work for you. You have to go straight to God."

I wonder why people are so fearful to admit to themselves who they are? Why do people hide behind ETs, spirit entities, ascended masters, midwayers, angels and guides? What's wrong with realising your true potential as infinite wisdom and speaking and acting as wisdom? I appreciate that not all of us are interested in writing. One can channel one's "higher self" in all aspects of one's life. If you are an artist, you could become a great artist; ditto a dancer, a musician, writer, leader, etc. Only when you channel yourself can you find out who you really are.

Maybe, it is the fear of tapping into one's highest potential that make people either try to be someone else, like my fictitious Jack Russell friend, or they try to hide behind a channelled entity. It's fine to admire other people's qualities but to run away from yourself must get tiresome. It's like banging your head against a brick wall. At least that's my experience. In the aforementioned book, Cayce believes we are here to express the One in our unique ways. I am totally in agreement with Cayce.

How do I practise being myself? I acknowledge that I am unique and that no one can express life the way I do. I then explore my uniqueness which manifests in the things I like doing. I find that even the subjects or philosophies I have looked at have been tailored to my uniqueness. Now I channel myself and explore what it feels like to be me.

A dog can take eternity knowing its doggy-ness. It is with the same dogged determination that I explore my Enocia-ness, forever.

I am Myself,

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