Vector8 Journals

Monday, January 31, 2005

I Love You Just Because

"I love you just because
I love you just because
Just because I do, my darlin'

Emotions more than words can help me say
I love you, baby, just because you're you
Just because you're you" Just Because, Anita Baker
I have a crush on this guy I've been seeing on the bus for the last month or so. We've been getting on at the same time. I've been doing my best to catch the same bus each day for obvious reasons. (wink)

This morning I thought he'd missed the bus and turned my attention elsewhere. Then I saw he had got on after all. He looked so cute in his woolly hat. He sat a few seats in front of me and was oblivious to the doting looks I was giving him. Nor did he notice I was sitting behind me.

I have never spoken to him. He's smiled at me a few times and I have smiled back. One day last week he even sat beside me. I felt like a school girl all excited that my crush was right beside me. Why do I have this crush on a man who probably has no idea how I feel? No reason. Would I go out with him if he asked me out? That's the strange thing. It's not a love wanting to be with the other, it's a love that is content to love from a distance. I have no desire to have a relationship with him. I love him just because.

I have had other types of crushes that I have wanted to develop into relationships, but this is different. My crush for the man on the bus is like an opportunity to love because it feels good.

But why him? I see many guys each day, why him? I have to admit I have no idea why. I just do.

I have a feeling I shall soon be changing my bus route which will mean I might never see him again. Will that change anything? No. I will always have a crush on him.

This type of love is how I believe Source loves. It's a "just because" love. It's a love that wants nothing back but loving for the sake of love. Some days I wake up and hear the inner voice telling me how much I am loved. Imagine having someone in your head telling you how wonderful you are? This morning the voice told me over and over again how much I was loved. I thought to myself, "wow, someone has a crush on me too."

Having a crush on someone feels wonderful. But knowing someone has a crush on me is superb!

I love you all just because.