Vector8 Journals

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Withdrawing into the Light

"It should not be imagined that the truth about maya was understood only by the rishis. The Old Testament prophets called maya by the name of Satan (lit., in Hebrew, "the adversary"). The Greek Testament, as an equivalent for Satan, uses diabolos or devil. Satan or Maya is the Cosmic Magician who produces multiplicity of forms to hide the One Formless Verity. In God's plan and play (lila), the sole function of Satan or Maya is to attempt to divert man from Spirit to matter; from Reality to unreality." (Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramahansa Yogananda, p. 322)
Yesterday, I felt extremely tired, so exhausted that I didn't stay up to watch Star Trek. The way I deal with fatigue is I withdraw into myself. I had a bath and went to bed.

For me, exhaustion is an indication that I have been identifying myself with what I'm doing at the time. I find I can get tired when playing the "daughter" role. All roles require tremendous amount of energy to sustain. While I know I have unlimited energy, the moment I identify myself as a person, which is simply a projection of the ego, I am being distracted from my real Self that is unlimited energy. This is why I make it a constant practice to withdraw or unsubscribe from what I'm doing or from other people's expectations of me.

One way I've heard how we project false images is in The Tibetan Book of the Dead. The book is a guide of what one should expect after death. A guide or loved one is supposed to read out the instructions to an individual going through the process of dying. It is believed that at the moment of death everyone encounters the Clear Light. Many people who have had near death experiences have described this Light. The Clear Light is the first opportunity for the individual to be liberated from the cycle of life and death or attachment to forms. However, if you have no point of reference of this Light, which is actually your true nature and Ultimate Reality, you are likely to be in awe of the Light, think you are not worthy, feel ashamed or even scared. You might reject the Light. As you have unlimited energy, you might hallucinate or dream up different entities in line with your belief. Thus, if you were raised a Christian you might see Jesus, Mary or saints; a Buddhist might see different Buddhas etc. As this book is written from a Tibetan Buddhist perspective, it talks about the many Buddhist deities that might emerge. Some of them are there to help liberate you; while others are there to entice you back into the world of forms.

One thing that fascinates me is how we are capable of dreaming different realities so we can maintain the status quo of what is real for us. When you are used to seeing yourself as a form, it must come as a big shock to realise you are formless. If you are used to practising meditation and have been one with the formless Light within, you already know who you are. If you do not have any experience of your true nature, you're likely to dream up anything to perpetuate the illusion of being human. In fact, this is what is happening right now in this dream world we call earth; our dreams are distracting us from our real Spirit Self.

Just as we can easily dream up experiences which are mere projections of the ego, we can just as easily withdraw from these projections. Projections, for me, are like the sun's rays being sent out into the universe. When I withdraw or unsubscribe from all ego projections manifesting as beliefs, roles and expectations, I am withdrawing all rays back to myself. I am being the sun. I am being myself - the formless Self.

There is obviously a reason now why I am in form. I won't be writing these words if I was formless. While I am happy to play my role as human, I do so with the full awareness that all roles are projections of the ego, which are not who I am. The real Me is beyond all definitions.

I am neither this nor that. I am No-thing.

Love and Light,
Enocia