Vector8 Journals

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Personal Power is Relinquishing all Responsibility

"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." (1 John 4: 4)
I have to say I've done the rounds. I've tried awakening your inner power, creating your destiny etc, and where did that get me? I won't bore anyone with unnecessary details. I'm now living in a paradigm of trusting in Self. This means relinquishing responsibility over all areas of my life to the Infinite Self. That was scary at first. Me, the biggest control freak going, having to surrender and let God. Pah! Pah! I don't have much of a choice, really. There is no other choice for me.

One day the Inner Voice said to me "You do know you can do nothing by yourself, don't you?" Huh! What poppycock! Who cuts my hair? Who dresses me up in the morning? Who brushes my teeth? Who bathes me? Who cooks my meals? (OK I don't cook, but I was trying to make a point, OK). I soon learned what the voice meant. It took a lot of getting used to relying on the only Power there is. It's something I have to remember to do. Then the Voice said that the act of remembering is not my responsibility either. Whoa! You mean you're even taking away the little pleasure I have in life? If I can't fret over nothing, if I can't blame myself, what is the purpose of life?

The biggest bombshell, which broke the little ego I had into smithereens, was when the Voice gave the following insight. Apparently, when I appear to ponder Truth, it is not I, Enocia, pondering Truth but Truth pondering me. That's it! I'm off for a long sulk!

OK, I'm back.

In a previous article, Putting the Under-Utilised Workers to Work, I said I have infinite selves responsible for all areas of my lives. These selves exist outside time/space and forever being different aspects of Self. I find the paradigm of surrendering all to Self takes a lot of getting used to. It's like emigrating to a new country but still carrying the old habits of the old country, which I can relate to. I lived in London from a baby to aged four, then we moved to Sierra Leone. I returned to England when I was sixteen. While I was mentally prepared to live in London, it took a lot of adjustment to get used to the new pace, language and culture. To get into the new culture I had to give up the old. Saying that, I know many people who are living in the UK but they might as well be living back in their old country. They eat the same food, speak the same language, and have the same friends; the only difference is they work and live in the UK. Everyone to their own. For me it was important to totally immerse myself in the new way of life.

The paradigm of surrendering to Self is pretty similar to my experiences in London. While I am already at one with Self, I still have some old habits like always trying to do things for myself. But now I've been told that I don't even need to worry about the habits as the Self takes care of everything. I only need to relax and enjoy the scenery. Sounds good to me.

Let's take an example of surrendering to the self that is harmony. When I studied personal development, we were taught how to get on with anyone by learning to speak their language, read an individual's body language etc. In the paradigm where everything is done for you, you don't have to worry about rapport. You do nothing and trust in the self that is harmony.

Last night while travelling on the bus, a young man got on. He asked a guy to move over so he could sit beside him. I had a thought that he didn't like that seat. Me and my big "mouth!" The next thing I knew he had swapped seat and right beside me. It was as if we'd known each other for ages, which of course we do. He launched into a description of his day. He met his mother whom he hadn't seen for a while. He said it was quite stressful but he was glad they met. I asked him whether he planned to see her again. He said she was off to Australia; he was raised in Australia and been living in the UK for some time. Funny, he reminded me of an ex-boyfriend who was also Australian. He told me about his love for sports and his desire to be a sports trainer. We discussed a sports competition for celebrities that was currently on television. I asked him why he'd swapped seats. He said he didn't like that seat, he liked sitting at the back. When a seat further back became available he asked whether we could sit there. I told him there wasn't much point as the bus was terminating at the next stop. He said it was a shame it was getting too late as he would have liked to take me out for a drink. I said it was a damn shame. Yeah right! Well he wasn't really my type. We exchanged hugs. I offered my cheek for a peck but he planted a smacker on my lips. He whispered in my ear "You're soooo sexy!" Blimey! I was only being a good listener. And I was only wearing jeans and a hoodie.

Did I plan for the experience on the bus to happen? No way. I was just going about my business, getting a bus to one station so I could catch another; while the harmonious self was doing what She does best. How people interpret harmony is another matter. I swear if I was into one night stands, I will be "getting me some" all the time. I picked up this expression from the American comedy, Sex and the City. (cheeky grin)

I relinquish responsibility over all areas of my life to Self.

I trust in Self.

This, for me, is real personal power.

Love and Light,
Enocia