Vector8 Journals

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The Problem with Self-Will

I watched a hilarious episode of the comedy, Ally Mcbeal, last night. Ally is driving in her car when a handsome man pulls up beside her. She finds him attractive and removes her sun glasses so he can get a better look at her. By the time Ally turns to look at him the man has driven off and has been replaced by an old man; definitely not Ally's type. Ally sees the handsome guy in front of her. He pulls up at a traffic light. Ally starts wondering whether he's single. She tries to attract his attention by willing him to look in his rear-view mirror at her. He doesn't. There's only one thing to do to attract his attention: she rams into the back of his car.

While they exchange insurance details the man starts to suspect Ally has driven into him on purpose to get his attention. Ally confesses that when a woman gets to thirty it's harder to meet men like him and she was helping things along. The man is not impressed with her methods of attracting men which makes Ally wish he was a pedestrian. To cut a long story short, the man, Dennis, comes round to Ally's office and asks her out on a date. On one level, Ally has got what she wanted: to go out with a gorgeous man. But things are not that simple.

On their date, everything is going well until Ally says something that makes Dennis laugh. Much to Ally's chagrin, Dennis has a ridiculous laughter that sounds like a pig which makes Ally cringe. After their date, Dennis starts pursuing her; he sends Ally a large bouquet of flowers. Ally's reaction to the flowers is: "Oh no!" Ally tells Dennis she doesn't want to see him anymore. When Dennis asks her why she reluctantly admits she doesn't like his laugh. Dennis believes his laugh is infectious. Ally tells Dennis that if she were his friend she would advise him to never laugh again.

Later, Dennis returns to Ally's office with a neck brace claiming he was injured when Ally rammed into him. He has his brother with him, who is also his lawyer. He intends to sue Ally. He decides to settle for $25,000. Ally refuses to pay him. She blames Dennis for being at fault by pulling up in front of her car.

"Dennis and his brother look at each other...and begin to laugh, snorting and braying together in a discordant symphony of ear-splitting cacophony. The Cage/Fish lawyers wince in pain. "Pay him! Pay him!!!" Ally says quickly, trying to escape the laughter. But it continues, echoing from the rooftops." Ally Mcbeal
Go into any Mind, Body, Spirit section of a bookshop and you will see books galore about how to create your life, how to visualise anything you want, and how to make things happen. It's fine to have a sense of control over your life, after all we all deserve to be happy, but at what price? Are you able to create anything at the human level where everyone benefits? Or are you like Ally Mcbeal who gets what she wants, but regrets it and has to pay to make the experience go away?

You could argue that experiences are neither good nor bad, that it's all part of the "learning curve." True, but why go through something that can be avoided? There is another way where you trust in the Universe. What do I mean by the Universe? I am referring to my real Self whose awareness is omnipresent. Since Self is omnipresent, She always knows what is best for all concerned which makes Her omniscient.

Back to the Ally McBeal example. The Universe had given Ally important clues. The first clue was when she saw the handsome man and he was instantly replaced by a man she didn't find in the least attractive. The next clue was when Dennis was at the traffic light and he didn't look in his rear-view mirror at her. If the Universe had wanted them to get together, She wouldn't have Ally ramming into Dennis' car which was going to cost Ally to have both cars repaired. I believe Love is a lot simpler than that. Then again, Love being non-judgmental let Ally create her own experience, even if it came at a huge price.

A few months back I fancied having a nice, warm, male hug. The Universe heard me. While I was browsing at a bookshop, the universe appeared as a young man who sat beside me. Soon we started chatting away and I found him interesting. He asked me to go for a meal. After the meal he asked me to go for a bus ride with him. As someone who loves travelling on buses, I knew he was a gift from the Universe. There's no way I, the human personality, would have come up with someone like him. It turned out to be a lovely evening where we both had fun, And I also ended up getting a lovely hug from him.

The personality has its own way of viewing the world. He sees his needs as separate from the whole, thus, he experiences the universe as "what am I going to get out of this?" If you're coming from that perspective, you are like Ally McBeal trying to make things happen. You have your techniques of how to get what you want. You might win the battle but end up losing the war.

And then there is the Universe/Source, the loving presence in all. The Universe is everyone. To experience life one has to have desires. I see desires as Self wanting to seek expression. Self who appears as the desire knows how to appear as the desire in form. So I've learned to stop trying to figure out how it's going to come about, but to trust and let the Universe appear as the very thing or experience. Just because the Universe appears as the experience doesn't mean the experience has to last forever. It could last for one evening, a day, a week or years. However long the experience, everyone is blessed.

You could create your own experiences, using self-will, and regard "failures" as learning experiences; or you could trust in the Universe.

I trust in the Universe.

I am the Universe,

Related article: How to Know What Your Purpose Is